technology is the downfall of darwinism

alright, so i realize the title may seem a bit intense, and as an aerospace engineer i am not normally one to bash the brilliance that is human innovation, ability, and drive (space race of the 60's...omg how i would have loved to be involved with such a feat-although the likelihood of a woman being employed by NASA back then would have hardly been likely...but i digress), but in a recent discussion with my amazing boyfriend, i have come to the conclusion that technology has allowed for the procreation of stupidity. maybe i'm talking a little crazy, but if we look at the cavemen days, if one wasn't smart enough to procure tools and create fire (i'm no archeologist so don't quote me), and learn which plants were good for eating...the fact that there have been enough advancements in technology that allows the mass production of meat and potatoes, any idiot capable of basic communication via hand signals or speech, can walk into any food stuffs establishment and get a meal. similarly, any fool who decides that walking across a busy street and not int he crosswalk is protected by society's laws and an anti-lock brake system. maybe the second one was a stretch, but non the less, you have to wonder whether technology has impaired the human species to the point where we are now at a disadvantage. googlemaps has revolutionized how we make our way from A to B, but what ever happened to the ability to read a map and navigate and plan. by blinding trusting garmin and google to guide us along our way, we have given up the ability to think for ourselves and in turn may begin to hinder our problem solving skills.

i'll conclude with a story, the discussion presented above occurred over dinner at a favorite place of ours called The Counter. if you've never been, its nothing fancy, but what makes it unique are the "custom burgers" you can create. it's very simple; they present you with a clipboard containing all the various toppings and meats and buns and what not (all broken down by category, so its not just a jumbled mess), you make your choices, hand it back to the waitress, and in all of 10 minutes, you have a burger with everything you want...so michael and i are sitting at the counter, finishing up our sweet potato fries and beers as we await the check, and a dad with his two girls sit at the counter. he grabs a clipboard, the waitress/bartender explains the menu process to him, he hands it back to her and says, "it's gonna take me forever to get through all of this for the girls and i, can i just tell you what i want?" are you serious?! these girls are at least 5 years old, they and their father are fully capable of penciling in a few check boxes. ok, they are not fully self sufficient, but wouldn't this be a good bonding moment, going thru the menu options with your daughters? checking things off together? maybe he just couldn't read, in which case this brings me back to my initial point that we have made it too easy for the stupid to survive, b/c you have no business bringing children into this world if you cannot read.

strange happenings

well it has certainly been an interesting week in my household...some bad ju-ju in the air or something to that effect. i read my horoscope everyday, more for entertainment than value, and b/c i am hoping for the day when it will tell me to stay in bed all day instead of go to work. that day finally came, and i didn't listen. about a month back i started playing soccer on tuesday nights with my bff; nothing uber serious, as i haven't played since hs. and this past tuesday we had planned to have dinner then head to our game. that morning my horoscope read "Tonight: Come home" (no joke), and to be quite honest, i wasn't totally committed to playing a game that night (just didnt have a good feeling about playing). when i arrive at work, i realize i left my duffel bag with my soccer stuff at home (should have seen it as a sign). but i go home after work anyway to pick it up anyway, get dinner, then head to the game. just before halftime i go to make a pass and my knee gives out completely. i still can't figure out if i slipped (we play on artificial turf, so getting a solid foot plant is tricky sometimes) or simply zigged when i should have zagged. i heard a pop, had to be carried off the field, and was on crutches for two days. still waiting on results from the mri, and i can kinda walk now, but the more superficial bummer is that i had to cancel my trip to FL for friends' graduation, miss out on another's birthday bash, and deal with my pissed off father all weekend instead. fml. so maybe some of it is my own fault, i suppose i have no business trying to play soccer any more, but coming to a "new" town not knowing many ppl, i thought it might be a good way to make some friends. i genuinely miss playing, and frankly, i wasn't exactly crazy about running seriously again. but that's changed. i don't like how i've let myself slip. i'm not trying to be the same athlete i used to be, but i don't like not being an athlete any longer. it's challenging being an adult, for as much as i want to be ready to tackle the world, i'm scared. i'm apprehensive about everything there is in front of me. even with regards to my bf. he's great. really. but i wonder if its really going to work between us. not that i don't care about him, its more i fear he'll tire of me. he's a good looking guy who is so indescribably selfless that he could get any girl he wants. he's def "the pretty one" in this relationship, and i've realized how insecure i am about my own physique now thanks to him (is that a good thing?). maybe "fear" is the wrong word. b/c i know that i am a strong minded person who doesn't need a man in my life to function, if we decide that a romantic relationship isn't the route that is meant for us, i can deal with it (we've been together almost two months, so the long-term relationship stage is still a long ways away for us, so a break up would needless to say be much more difficult then, unless we were both to the point where we were ready to tune out...but i digress). there are two questions that present themselves as i find myself rambling on:

what do i want to do with my life?
how does another person fit in to that plan?

oh what to do...

on top of work and learning how to be an adult, throw in a relationship, and it feels like things are even more convoluted and confusing. i care about him so much, but is there enough at this stage for us to try and work thru issues as opposed to saying, "this was fun, but peace out"?

we've been together 2 months (exclusively, but we'd been dating for a while before then), and we're at slightly different stages in our lives, but its not so drastic that things can't work, so where do we draw the line? hard to say. we've been open about how we feel, and he's not at a point where he is ready to say "i love you", which i am ok with, but should i worry that he never reaches that point? i only say that b/c sometimes i catch myself thinking that maybe i do love him. unfortunately my past dating history has left me rather callous towards the opposite sex (in regards to truly letting go and trusting), so while i sometimes think that i want to tell him how much i truly care about him, i kno its only gonna be half hearted b/c in the back of my mind i am still trying to protect myself from being hurt in the event that he isn't receptive to my feelings. and maybe i worry too much, i have the tendency to over-think most things, but i can't help but want to protect my best interest. i have spent much too much time crying over boys in the last two years, and i kno its b/c i'm also the kind of person to let myself trust people and believe in what they tell me (or at least i used to be). but no more of being a silly girl; i'm at the point where i am comfortable letting him in slowly, and until things are a little more clear, i'm going to try my best to remain a little guarded (not trusting people is not in my nature)