holiday season

it's not even Thanksgiving and already the mall has been set up with garland and the santa chair, home depot has blocked off half the parking lot for xmas trees (more to be discussed later), and holday music was playing over the speakers in joann's. i can appreciate the holidays as much as the next, it's no secret i'm looking forward to all the food and spending time with the siblings and the 24hr marathon of a christmas story. but the fact that along with the holiday good spirits also comes (more) aggressive drivers and frazzled homemakers navigating the stores and parking lots, one can only wonder if all the joyous tidings of the season are just a farce. case in point, i go to home depot yesterday  to pick of a new toilet tank lever (as a side note, my "landlord" has been saying for the last month he would fix it. i finally caved and did it myself), and unfortunately the home depot parking lot is shared with in-n-out burger and was partially closed off for the incoming xmas trees. so as i enter the lot, i slow for a speed bump and some guys completely blows his stop sign, pulls out in front of me, and has the nerve to flip me the bird! as if its my fault that there was no stop sign for me to stop at and wait for him to clear his. wwwhhhaattt? not even a few moments later as i'm pulling in to a parking spot, some lady pulls into it from the other side and was trying to use it to get to my parking row. traffic was all jammed so getting out was nearly impossible. again, she looks at me as if its my fault for getting in her way and preventing her from leaving the lot. seriously? later, at barnes and noble, the rows are single direction, and what would guess, some starts coming at me (from the wrong direction!). so i honk, and instead of stopping, she keeps coming! and swings into the parking spot that i was pulling up to! again, she looks at me as if i'm the crazy one. argh! i don't understand some people. common courtesy seems like such a loss at times. quite sad actually.

moving on, things have been rather dull. work. work out (try to at least). boys have taken a back burner. with the latest news that i've accepted a new job and will be moving away in a few months, its hard to want to build a new relationship here. not that i should let that be an excuse. if prince charming shows up in the next few months i wouldn't be opposed. but the latest guy i have been seeing, though nice, isn't quite who i saw myself living happily ever after with. besides, he hasn't called me in like a week. his loss, not mine, so i'm not too heartbroken.

meet cute

Meet Cute: The contrived encounter of two potential romantic partners in unusual or comic circumstances (in a movie)

For obvious reasons, the meet cute is a staple of romantic comedies, and unfortunately I must admit that I fall into that category of silly girls who hope to have their very own meet cute. However, thanks to a very nice gentleman, I've now experienced such a moment (or at least something very close to one).

On a recent trip back from Florida, having some time to spare, I decided to have a couple cocktails before boarding the plane. As it would happen, the bartender was rather heavy handed. The time comes to board the plane, and as I'm walking down the aisle to my seat, I am looking for an open overhead bin to stow my suitcase. Luckily I find one at the row just before mine. Knowing that I am a little tipsy, have a bad knee, and aren't particularly tall, I politely warn the woman currently sitting in the aisle seat that I am going to attempt to put my bag above her head and that she should watch out. Then out of nowhere, this guy behind me asks if I need help. 
"Oh yes, please", I reply as I attempt to lift the bag. "Sometimes it fits better with the wheels in first"
"Don't worry, I've got it...Good luck getting it out though", he says while flashing a charming smile.
"Thanks, I'll just have to find you when we land and you can get it out for me", I answered with a chuckle. 
I continue to my seat, sit down, get buckled, and look up to see the very same guy who helped with my luggage sitting next to me. "Seriously? I guess I don't have to go far to find you." So we both have a laugh about it, get to talking, and five hours and a couple coffees later land in LA. Given both our schedules, seeing each other again is more likely to happen at the airport than anywhere else, but I'm optimistic. He has my number, and silly and girlish as it is, I do hope he calls.

boys are confusing

Time for another rant an rave;  I know you've all been on the edge of your seats eagerly awaiting my return to the blogging world.

Well I'd first like to begin by confronting an issue that, being who I am, is one in which I don't quite know how to address. This is mostly because if I were on the other side of things, I'm not entirely sure if I would want to jump head first into anything too serious too soon. In case you haven't figured out, this involves a boy (as does all things that tend to confuse me). We've been on an off for three years now, but it hasn't necessarily materialized into anything serious enough where we have openly acknowledged and referred to each other as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Now despite my attempt at a laissez faire attitude, because we are indefinitely three thousand miles apart, I beg to question whether this issue should be addressed any further. If we like each other and want to be together, then why should we let distance be an object? If he really is into me, then shouldn't he say that? Shouldn't I say that? Alternatively, I don't think either one of us can for certain state that we are looking to spend the rest of our lives with each other, and thus why inhibit ourselves and create obligations when we are at a point in our lives when we should be open to fully experience whatever may present itself? I hate to think that I may be jinxing it all by sharing this with you now, because I can't help but be little superstitious about these kinds of things, but especially since the last guy who refused to "date" me long-distance but called me his girlfriend within a month of my moving back ended up completely humiliating me, I fear it may happen again (serious run-on, I apologize). Never has there ever been a time when I felt so low (and I thank my dear friend Britt for setting me straight and reminding me that clearly this guy who seems to have destroyed all my confidence was clearly not right for me...and that I am in fact someone worthwhile). It's unfair to compare the two as directly as I am, but as one who tends to over think, I can't help it.

In regards to previously stated jerk of an ex-boyfriend, I still can't figure him out and have come to the conclusion (much appreciated by my mother) that I really don't like him. Not in the sense that as a result of his actions I now have an immense distaste for him (that's a given), but rather looking back and examining without the rose-tinted glasses, he wasn't the kind of guy who (my dating) would truly make me happy and even his personality is one, though charming, almost lacks a genuine quality because it can be excessive. It's interesting that now several months after the break up, things start to come out of the woodwork. My sister, having only met him a couple times, hated him. A friend who I've known since the 6th grade met him only once, but similarly hated him after that single encounter. And as is turns out, my parents didn't care for him much either. While I would have appreciated hearing this a couple of months ago, it's clear to me that this wasn't someone who could make me happy and have little to no interest in having him as a part of my life, even as just a friend. This brings me to one of the most perplexing instances of the week (I'm not going to try to over dramatize this and say "of my life" or even "of the year", but it still threw me for a loop): he brings homemade cookies and a birthday card to my office for me on my birthday. While I can appreciate an attempt at being nice, the part that confused me was the simple fact that a few short months ago he was an insensitive liar who seemed to show no regard for the consequences of his actions. I couldn't bring myself to eat the cookies (fortunately my office is full of hungry engineers, so my colleagues were kind enough to rid them from my sight), and the only thing keeping my from burning the card (as I did all the other things I've received from him) is that I like the picture. Ultimately this isn't going to be a turning point in our "friendship", obviously in the working environment I maintain a professional attitude and would never directly confront him (that aside, I don't think I would were we in a social environment either. Why waste my time?), but a batch of cookies and a card make little difference to remedy him hurting my feelings and leaving me feeling more miserable than I've ever had to endure. His actions perplex me mostly because I don't know what he hopes to achieve by it (if any motive is there at all). Does he bake cookies for all his acquaintances? Again, his charm can comes across as not genuine because it is so over the top. Does he think we're good friends? Is this an attempt and amends? Don't know, ultimately don't care. His number was deleted from my phone long ago and nine times out of ten I don't respond to the emails he sends me. The one I do usually entails some snarky comment (although still very polite)

With that I bid you farewell until next time, whenever that may be. I realize my sporadic entries are not conducive to the regular reader, and I do apologize. There was an attempt to be a little more consistent, but let's face it, my life isn't too exciting these days.

Hasta luego amigos!

how rude

Ok, so I'm not one to normally rant and rave (haha...we all know better than that), but I really wonder why people think they are so special sometimes. Last night I go to the Dodger game with my brother and sister, and of course we decide we need some garlic fries. As we're in line the woman ahead of us grabs a plate of fries, decides she doesn't want them, and puts them back! Seriously?! You put them back and expect someone else to want to eat them? Worse yet, at the seventh inning stretch, after being asked to stand, the couple sitting next to use and the two dudes on the other side of them remain sitting for the singing of 'God Bless America'! Seriously? Show some national pride damnit. That's like our second national anthem and you think you're so entitled not to stand? Maybe I'm over reacting a little bit, maybe I'm just proud to be an American, but in any case I find it quite rude that when everyone else around you is standing you can't bring yourself to do the same. I wanted to smack all four of them across the face.

stupid boys

i take back everything i may have said about my boyfriend being so wonderful. he picks me up for dinner and kisses me and tells me how pretty i look, introduces me to a coworker as his girlfriend (we run into him at the restaurant), and literally 20 mins later, he breaks up with me. immature jerk. i'm over it at this point. its just bothersome that even the nicest seeming guys can still be so insensitive. he was charming and great, but turned into such a coward. if you're going to break up with me, don't take me out on a date. i feel as thought that is common courtesy.

i have the bestests friends

i feel as tho the title is self explanatory.

technology is the downfall of darwinism

alright, so i realize the title may seem a bit intense, and as an aerospace engineer i am not normally one to bash the brilliance that is human innovation, ability, and drive (space race of the 60's...omg how i would have loved to be involved with such a feat-although the likelihood of a woman being employed by NASA back then would have hardly been likely...but i digress), but in a recent discussion with my amazing boyfriend, i have come to the conclusion that technology has allowed for the procreation of stupidity. maybe i'm talking a little crazy, but if we look at the cavemen days, if one wasn't smart enough to procure tools and create fire (i'm no archeologist so don't quote me), and learn which plants were good for eating...the fact that there have been enough advancements in technology that allows the mass production of meat and potatoes, any idiot capable of basic communication via hand signals or speech, can walk into any food stuffs establishment and get a meal. similarly, any fool who decides that walking across a busy street and not int he crosswalk is protected by society's laws and an anti-lock brake system. maybe the second one was a stretch, but non the less, you have to wonder whether technology has impaired the human species to the point where we are now at a disadvantage. googlemaps has revolutionized how we make our way from A to B, but what ever happened to the ability to read a map and navigate and plan. by blinding trusting garmin and google to guide us along our way, we have given up the ability to think for ourselves and in turn may begin to hinder our problem solving skills.

i'll conclude with a story, the discussion presented above occurred over dinner at a favorite place of ours called The Counter. if you've never been, its nothing fancy, but what makes it unique are the "custom burgers" you can create. it's very simple; they present you with a clipboard containing all the various toppings and meats and buns and what not (all broken down by category, so its not just a jumbled mess), you make your choices, hand it back to the waitress, and in all of 10 minutes, you have a burger with everything you want...so michael and i are sitting at the counter, finishing up our sweet potato fries and beers as we await the check, and a dad with his two girls sit at the counter. he grabs a clipboard, the waitress/bartender explains the menu process to him, he hands it back to her and says, "it's gonna take me forever to get through all of this for the girls and i, can i just tell you what i want?" are you serious?! these girls are at least 5 years old, they and their father are fully capable of penciling in a few check boxes. ok, they are not fully self sufficient, but wouldn't this be a good bonding moment, going thru the menu options with your daughters? checking things off together? maybe he just couldn't read, in which case this brings me back to my initial point that we have made it too easy for the stupid to survive, b/c you have no business bringing children into this world if you cannot read.

strange happenings

well it has certainly been an interesting week in my household...some bad ju-ju in the air or something to that effect. i read my horoscope everyday, more for entertainment than value, and b/c i am hoping for the day when it will tell me to stay in bed all day instead of go to work. that day finally came, and i didn't listen. about a month back i started playing soccer on tuesday nights with my bff; nothing uber serious, as i haven't played since hs. and this past tuesday we had planned to have dinner then head to our game. that morning my horoscope read "Tonight: Come home" (no joke), and to be quite honest, i wasn't totally committed to playing a game that night (just didnt have a good feeling about playing). when i arrive at work, i realize i left my duffel bag with my soccer stuff at home (should have seen it as a sign). but i go home after work anyway to pick it up anyway, get dinner, then head to the game. just before halftime i go to make a pass and my knee gives out completely. i still can't figure out if i slipped (we play on artificial turf, so getting a solid foot plant is tricky sometimes) or simply zigged when i should have zagged. i heard a pop, had to be carried off the field, and was on crutches for two days. still waiting on results from the mri, and i can kinda walk now, but the more superficial bummer is that i had to cancel my trip to FL for friends' graduation, miss out on another's birthday bash, and deal with my pissed off father all weekend instead. fml. so maybe some of it is my own fault, i suppose i have no business trying to play soccer any more, but coming to a "new" town not knowing many ppl, i thought it might be a good way to make some friends. i genuinely miss playing, and frankly, i wasn't exactly crazy about running seriously again. but that's changed. i don't like how i've let myself slip. i'm not trying to be the same athlete i used to be, but i don't like not being an athlete any longer. it's challenging being an adult, for as much as i want to be ready to tackle the world, i'm scared. i'm apprehensive about everything there is in front of me. even with regards to my bf. he's great. really. but i wonder if its really going to work between us. not that i don't care about him, its more i fear he'll tire of me. he's a good looking guy who is so indescribably selfless that he could get any girl he wants. he's def "the pretty one" in this relationship, and i've realized how insecure i am about my own physique now thanks to him (is that a good thing?). maybe "fear" is the wrong word. b/c i know that i am a strong minded person who doesn't need a man in my life to function, if we decide that a romantic relationship isn't the route that is meant for us, i can deal with it (we've been together almost two months, so the long-term relationship stage is still a long ways away for us, so a break up would needless to say be much more difficult then, unless we were both to the point where we were ready to tune out...but i digress). there are two questions that present themselves as i find myself rambling on:

what do i want to do with my life?
how does another person fit in to that plan?

oh what to do...

on top of work and learning how to be an adult, throw in a relationship, and it feels like things are even more convoluted and confusing. i care about him so much, but is there enough at this stage for us to try and work thru issues as opposed to saying, "this was fun, but peace out"?

we've been together 2 months (exclusively, but we'd been dating for a while before then), and we're at slightly different stages in our lives, but its not so drastic that things can't work, so where do we draw the line? hard to say. we've been open about how we feel, and he's not at a point where he is ready to say "i love you", which i am ok with, but should i worry that he never reaches that point? i only say that b/c sometimes i catch myself thinking that maybe i do love him. unfortunately my past dating history has left me rather callous towards the opposite sex (in regards to truly letting go and trusting), so while i sometimes think that i want to tell him how much i truly care about him, i kno its only gonna be half hearted b/c in the back of my mind i am still trying to protect myself from being hurt in the event that he isn't receptive to my feelings. and maybe i worry too much, i have the tendency to over-think most things, but i can't help but want to protect my best interest. i have spent much too much time crying over boys in the last two years, and i kno its b/c i'm also the kind of person to let myself trust people and believe in what they tell me (or at least i used to be). but no more of being a silly girl; i'm at the point where i am comfortable letting him in slowly, and until things are a little more clear, i'm going to try my best to remain a little guarded (not trusting people is not in my nature)

epic fail

so this blog started as an attempt for my dear friend Brittany and I to keep track of our summer eating habits and attempt to keep each other in check (xc season sneaks up on you real quick if you aren't careful). but we both seemed to have failed at this. so now here i am, 8 months later, writing b/c it seems like i don't have much else to do. with school over, it seems like i don't know what to do with myself. it's a sunday night, and there's no studying that needs to be done. and while i appreciate the fact that i can now call myself a college graduate, i'm just not sure how to exactly go about being an adult. i do have a full-time job, but living at home doesn't really make me truly feel on my own. i shouldn't make it sound as though i depend on my parents more than i have to. Having lived on my own for the last 4.5 years, i did learn to take care of myself and (unfortunately) got set in my own ways. so there is a bit of an adjustment. as well my siblings are no longer here with me. that's the biggest adjustment i think. they are kinda awesome.