boys are confusing

Time for another rant an rave;  I know you've all been on the edge of your seats eagerly awaiting my return to the blogging world.

Well I'd first like to begin by confronting an issue that, being who I am, is one in which I don't quite know how to address. This is mostly because if I were on the other side of things, I'm not entirely sure if I would want to jump head first into anything too serious too soon. In case you haven't figured out, this involves a boy (as does all things that tend to confuse me). We've been on an off for three years now, but it hasn't necessarily materialized into anything serious enough where we have openly acknowledged and referred to each other as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Now despite my attempt at a laissez faire attitude, because we are indefinitely three thousand miles apart, I beg to question whether this issue should be addressed any further. If we like each other and want to be together, then why should we let distance be an object? If he really is into me, then shouldn't he say that? Shouldn't I say that? Alternatively, I don't think either one of us can for certain state that we are looking to spend the rest of our lives with each other, and thus why inhibit ourselves and create obligations when we are at a point in our lives when we should be open to fully experience whatever may present itself? I hate to think that I may be jinxing it all by sharing this with you now, because I can't help but be little superstitious about these kinds of things, but especially since the last guy who refused to "date" me long-distance but called me his girlfriend within a month of my moving back ended up completely humiliating me, I fear it may happen again (serious run-on, I apologize). Never has there ever been a time when I felt so low (and I thank my dear friend Britt for setting me straight and reminding me that clearly this guy who seems to have destroyed all my confidence was clearly not right for me...and that I am in fact someone worthwhile). It's unfair to compare the two as directly as I am, but as one who tends to over think, I can't help it.

In regards to previously stated jerk of an ex-boyfriend, I still can't figure him out and have come to the conclusion (much appreciated by my mother) that I really don't like him. Not in the sense that as a result of his actions I now have an immense distaste for him (that's a given), but rather looking back and examining without the rose-tinted glasses, he wasn't the kind of guy who (my dating) would truly make me happy and even his personality is one, though charming, almost lacks a genuine quality because it can be excessive. It's interesting that now several months after the break up, things start to come out of the woodwork. My sister, having only met him a couple times, hated him. A friend who I've known since the 6th grade met him only once, but similarly hated him after that single encounter. And as is turns out, my parents didn't care for him much either. While I would have appreciated hearing this a couple of months ago, it's clear to me that this wasn't someone who could make me happy and have little to no interest in having him as a part of my life, even as just a friend. This brings me to one of the most perplexing instances of the week (I'm not going to try to over dramatize this and say "of my life" or even "of the year", but it still threw me for a loop): he brings homemade cookies and a birthday card to my office for me on my birthday. While I can appreciate an attempt at being nice, the part that confused me was the simple fact that a few short months ago he was an insensitive liar who seemed to show no regard for the consequences of his actions. I couldn't bring myself to eat the cookies (fortunately my office is full of hungry engineers, so my colleagues were kind enough to rid them from my sight), and the only thing keeping my from burning the card (as I did all the other things I've received from him) is that I like the picture. Ultimately this isn't going to be a turning point in our "friendship", obviously in the working environment I maintain a professional attitude and would never directly confront him (that aside, I don't think I would were we in a social environment either. Why waste my time?), but a batch of cookies and a card make little difference to remedy him hurting my feelings and leaving me feeling more miserable than I've ever had to endure. His actions perplex me mostly because I don't know what he hopes to achieve by it (if any motive is there at all). Does he bake cookies for all his acquaintances? Again, his charm can comes across as not genuine because it is so over the top. Does he think we're good friends? Is this an attempt and amends? Don't know, ultimately don't care. His number was deleted from my phone long ago and nine times out of ten I don't respond to the emails he sends me. The one I do usually entails some snarky comment (although still very polite)

With that I bid you farewell until next time, whenever that may be. I realize my sporadic entries are not conducive to the regular reader, and I do apologize. There was an attempt to be a little more consistent, but let's face it, my life isn't too exciting these days.

Hasta luego amigos!

how rude

Ok, so I'm not one to normally rant and rave (haha...we all know better than that), but I really wonder why people think they are so special sometimes. Last night I go to the Dodger game with my brother and sister, and of course we decide we need some garlic fries. As we're in line the woman ahead of us grabs a plate of fries, decides she doesn't want them, and puts them back! Seriously?! You put them back and expect someone else to want to eat them? Worse yet, at the seventh inning stretch, after being asked to stand, the couple sitting next to use and the two dudes on the other side of them remain sitting for the singing of 'God Bless America'! Seriously? Show some national pride damnit. That's like our second national anthem and you think you're so entitled not to stand? Maybe I'm over reacting a little bit, maybe I'm just proud to be an American, but in any case I find it quite rude that when everyone else around you is standing you can't bring yourself to do the same. I wanted to smack all four of them across the face.